THE “LANGUAGE” OF MY YEARNING

In the days that follow the Philosophical Trio meeting [see previous chapter], Miranda is full of thoughts. The Trio had identified several concepts in Miranda’s way of thinking, and now she keeps thinking about them:

- Below or above the floor of life
- The dark basement
- Dark prison
- Grave
- Disconnection from life
- Away from life

These concepts are new to her – before the meeting she had never thought about them. And yet, she recognizes them. They resonate within her, as if they are her own concepts.

Are these concepts connected to her big insight from several weeks ago? [See earlier chapters] Are they connected to her discovery that she is living like an automatic working machine, like a robot? Or to her yearning to change her life?

She remembers Linda’s words at the end of their last Trio meeting: “Maybe these concepts are the ‘language’ of your yearning. Reflect on them, Miranda, and see what you can learn from them.”

“Reflect on them how, Linda?”

“For example, think about how they are connected to each other, or to the things that happen to you during the day. Try cultivating these concepts, just as a gardener cultivates flowers. Ten-twenty words are not yet a deep philosophical understanding – they need to grow and develop. A full understanding is a rich network of many ideas, like a theory, like a vision of life.”

Miranda takes Linda’s words seriously. During the day – on her way to work, at lunch, even while working – she reflects on her newly-discovered concepts. She wonders how they are connected to each other, and how they are connected to the little events of the day. She reflects on these ideas gently, attentively, without imposing on them foreign opinions. She lets these ideas develop within her in their own way – like flowers in the garden, as Linda had said. It’s like an inner conversation, a conversation between her and… and what? Her yearning to change? Her inner depth? The voice of life?

But the title doesn’t really matter. Miranda smiles and continues to reflect. The day feels very different with an inner conversation.